I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
