My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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