STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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