yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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