fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
wow bdsm is so cute
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
