i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How does it feel to date your dad?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
