If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
