Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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