I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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