to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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