The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
