I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
