I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
