Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
