He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
