If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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