he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
