Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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