Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
