Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
