We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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