there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
