so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He? As in you personified your dick?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
