its not stalking. its research.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
