If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
