So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My feet surprised me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
