I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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