Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
