end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
