I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
