if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
