three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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