I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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