You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
