So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
