tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
