I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
