I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
