I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sorry about my life...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
