the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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