when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
