But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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