why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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