Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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