Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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