Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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