Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
