Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
