Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
