he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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